Old Dog, New Tricks

It’s not true what they say. Who the heck are they anyway?

You can teach an old dog new tricks. As long as the dog is willing to learn.

At 50 years old, the one thing I hear the most about people and relationships is that–by this age–people only become more and more entrenched in who and what they already are. They are too old to change.

And so, what you see is what you get. Don’t expect different and you won’t be disappointed.

I call bullshit. (Excuse my French).

At 50 years old, I can honestly say that I am still a work in progress. And I try my darnedest to progress every single day. I think it is imperative if I want healthy relationships that I am constantly evolving.

At 50 years old, I am willing to put in the hard work of changing because it’s not like I turned 50 and suddenly became perfect.

Growth is hard. It can be painful. It is slow, tedious, and messily nonlinear. It comes with steps forward, and it certainly comes with setbacks.

At 50 years old, I have a lot of perspective. And it is up to me to be willing to observe, own, and break 50-year-old patterns. Because there is no sense in giving up on me until I am dead.

And I am not planning on being dead any time soon.

People always tell me, don’t go into relationships hoping people will become something they are not.

I’m here to tell you that I, for one, do want to be what I am not.

I want my healthy relationships (of every kind) to bring out the best of who I am. I want to be kinder, gentler, more patient. I want to be more tolerant, less rigid, more receptive. I want to be more awesome. Because no matter how awesome I may already be, there is a heck of a lot more awesome just waiting to be tapped into.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Bah, Humbug…Well, That’s Too Strong…

New Year’s is not my thing.

I may wish you a Happy New Year and, in fact, I probably will. But I am just as likely to wish you a happy Monday, or a happy August 29th (a very good day), or a happy Whateverdayithappenstobe.

Truth is: I don’t think there is anything special about New Year’s.

January 1st is an arbitrary date, set eons ago by Ancient Romans who created a calendar to honor gods that no one (or at least probably not you and definitely not me) worships anymore. In fact, the calendar originally started in March, but oops! Turns out a year was a couple months longer than previously suspected. And so…

We find ourselves with a holiday, rife with forced merriment and high hopes, that signifies a new beginning while actually being Just Another Day.

Now, lest you think I am some incorrigible pessimist, allow me to qualify that statement.

Just Another Day is just as magical and holds just as much promise, just as much potential, as New Year’s. It’s not that New Year’s isn’t magical. It’s that we need to maintain sight of the fact that every day is magical. Every day is magnificent. And every day holds infinite possibility.

A year ago, the world was screaming at the top of its lungs: LET’S PUT 2020 BEHIND US! HOORAY FOR 2021!

Today, the call is the same, the number is just plus-one.

Why are we, as humans, so naive as to think that Covid-19 will disappear because the calendar flipped a day? That politics will clean up and humans will abandon hate because we passed another midnight?

If we want to see these powerful, positive changes, we need to make a permanent and daily commitment to maintain the patience and persistence necessary to do our parts to transform our world community into the benevolent society it was intended to be.

This year, I have had more deaths among my friends and family than any year previous. I spent December 31st at a funeral.

I know that I am not alone in grieving the losses around me. I know I am not alone in bleeding for all the suffering around me. And I also know that I am not alone in gratitude for the health of my loved ones and myself.

Each year that I live, I learn more profoundly that life is short. And these days are precious. And it is an absolute sin to throw away a year–or years–as if shedding some sort of a curse.

In yoga, we are taught to honor and value each breath. The Yama of Asteya–non-stealing–dictates that to use a single breath for anything other than good deed is to steal from God. Accordingly, in the practice of yoga, we must optimize each moment of each day to be the best humans we can be, and to effect the most positive change we can upon the world around us.

We are limiting our social responsibility when we leave resolutions as a New Year’s tradition–really, just a game to see how long we can maintain a goal (an hour? a day? a week? a month? probably not a month…)–before tossing the effort aside until next year.

As a person who has fully committed myself to the practice of personal growth, I honestly and truly work each and every day on being the kind of person that any New Year’s resolution-setter would be proud to be.

Truth is, I am too deeply flawed to limit my self-examination to New Year’s Day. I can’t afford to ignore or postpone the work that needs to be done today.

And if today happens to be January 1st, so be it.

Soul Purpose

Do you believe in reincarnation? I sure do. And I always have. Waaaaay before I knew a single thing about yoga, I just knew.

I believe that a soul is eternal. And recyclable. I believe that child prodigies are reincarnated souls that remember. I believe we are all here to learn the lessons we failed to learn last time. Or the time before that. Or the time before that. For hundreds, maybe thousands, of lives until we get it right.

And I believe I know what I am here to learn.

And I’m working on it. Life lessons are never easy.

There are patterns that have followed me my whole life. And before I go into this, please know that this is not a pity party. I am not seeking praise or attention or validation. In fact, (spoiler alert!) I believe that is my very lesson. To not need the validation of others to define my self-worth.

When I was in preschool, I had a crush on a boy named BJ (yeah…that wasn’t a funny name in the early 70s). And he crushed my heart. When I told him I wanted to start a club of just him and me and presented him proudly with a postage stamp-sized crayon drawing masterpiece of an American flag, he literally ran away from me.

And that’s when it all began.

The pattern.

Truth is, I’m a pretty cool girl. Er, woman. I guess that when you are closing in on your 50th birthday, you are (perhaps!) no longer a girl. I have a lot going for me in just about every aspect of my life. But men have run away from me–fast!–for most of my life. Honestly, I have had fewer dates than anyone I have ever known ever. (Yeah, two evers!) And forget about boyfriends. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I had a bona fide boyfriend without going back to my hand-written calendars. No validation from men.

As a kid, I worked my proverbial asana off in school. I was a straight-A student in all Advanced Placement classes. I was a National Officer of the Year for Junior Achievement, my congressional district’s delegate to the United States Model Congress, an All-State tennis player, and, honestly, a list too long to go over here without your eyes glazing over. So, I will save you the glaze and skip to the denouement. I didn’t get into Stanford, my #1 choice of schools. And I didn’t get into Harvard. My #2. No validation from schools.

Of course, these days, validation is most easily measured in social media cache. Followers and fans. All modesty aside, my numbers don’t begin to reflect the quality of what I put out. (Not put out…I’m not that kind of girl! Brahmacharya!). And my classes, trainings and workshops are pretty much the smallest on earth. No exaggeration there. No validation.

I’m going to stop there, though the list goes on. Even though it may sound like it, my point isn’t really to talk about how bad my life is–my life ROCKS! I mean, honestly, rocks! I am so very, very, very, very blessed and I am infinitely grateful.

My point is that I have recognized my pattern and, in so doing, work very hard on moving beyond it. I can be incredibly okay with myself without anyone else telling me I’m incredible, or even great, or even good. I have to be.

I still have plenty of days when I look at my validation quotient and just want to cry. I’ll be honest.

But knowing on a soul level that this is my karma, really helps. This is something I brought to this life. A lesson the universe needs me to learn. It means that I have evolved past some of the more pedestrian growth into the deeper, harder stuff, and that is empowering. It means that maybe my soul is closer to transcendence. If only…

If only I can learn this one lesson.

Because I know that if I don’t get it this time around, I am destined to repeat these hard lessons the next…